I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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