I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
