you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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