Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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