some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
