What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.