I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
