She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen