That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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