Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
