Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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