Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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