i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
