well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize