I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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