no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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