rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
