where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
