Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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