he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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