Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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