My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
