well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
