im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
