i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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