So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
