woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
