No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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