we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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