i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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