when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
