Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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