K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
