I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Buhtt sex?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
