Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
