Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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