I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
