Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
