Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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