Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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