i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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