my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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