How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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