I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
