I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize