Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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