Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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