i think my tv is drunk
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
