Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
