Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
