yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
