Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sext me about skeletons
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
