I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
