I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
