There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
