Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
