Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
