I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
