i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
