arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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