I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
