His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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