nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
