Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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