What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
