Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
