I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
