every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize