Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
