dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
