If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
