"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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