Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His nipple licking is glorious
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