just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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