Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
