Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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